Hello!
I am afraid to say it but this blog will no longer be active or updated. Everything is moving to a brand new wordpress page.
http://agirlinyellow.wordpress.com/about/
The new blog will be updated a couple times a week and have a better focus on my life then this page did.
Please check out the new blog!
It'll be a month or so before I actually go through and delete this one!
Friday, April 11, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
What do I do now?
It happens, we all reach that point in life where we reflect on where we've been and what we've accomplished and think, What do i do now? Where do i go from here? What do I have to show for my life?
I think this is commonly mistaken for a "mid life" crisis, when in reality it is a daily dilemma that faces people all over the world everyday.
When you think of a midlife crisis you may think of the standard man turning 40 and going out and buying an overly expensive sports car. For some reason we've neglected to try and see what that man feels, and why it happens at all.
We live in a society that has us so convinced that everyone has all the answers all the time and that we should have the answers all the time as well. It's a beautifully crafted lie that when you become and adult you do what you want and life makes sense, when in reality you spend your time running around looking for answers only to find more questions while running into other people with other questions. All these people running around with questions assume that you have already asked yourself the same questions, but you know the answers. What are the question?
What do I do now? Where do I go from here? How do I get there?
It's time to face the facts, we will never know the answers. There will be times when we think we know, so we pursue our answers only to find that they change and shift as we move forward with an ending result of something that was nothing at all like what we started out with.
As we grow older we realize more and more that these answers do not exist, but we do get something from our searching for them. An adventure.
Life is unorganized and chaotic, but we move forward searching for something, doing things to get us from one place to another. Even the days that you don't want to get out of bed and you decide to skip class or call in sick you are moving forward and creating opportunity.
If we could all just stop pretending that everyone knows the answer, that everyone else has life figured out and knows what they're doing.
I think this is commonly mistaken for a "mid life" crisis, when in reality it is a daily dilemma that faces people all over the world everyday.
When you think of a midlife crisis you may think of the standard man turning 40 and going out and buying an overly expensive sports car. For some reason we've neglected to try and see what that man feels, and why it happens at all.
We live in a society that has us so convinced that everyone has all the answers all the time and that we should have the answers all the time as well. It's a beautifully crafted lie that when you become and adult you do what you want and life makes sense, when in reality you spend your time running around looking for answers only to find more questions while running into other people with other questions. All these people running around with questions assume that you have already asked yourself the same questions, but you know the answers. What are the question?
What do I do now? Where do I go from here? How do I get there?
It's time to face the facts, we will never know the answers. There will be times when we think we know, so we pursue our answers only to find that they change and shift as we move forward with an ending result of something that was nothing at all like what we started out with.
As we grow older we realize more and more that these answers do not exist, but we do get something from our searching for them. An adventure.
Life is unorganized and chaotic, but we move forward searching for something, doing things to get us from one place to another. Even the days that you don't want to get out of bed and you decide to skip class or call in sick you are moving forward and creating opportunity.
If we could all just stop pretending that everyone knows the answer, that everyone else has life figured out and knows what they're doing.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Average
In a society that is satisfied with normality and upset by equality I have become a victim of mindless hatred and resentment and I have done it all to myself. I have done this terrible thing to myself, I have averaged myself. I speak to other people like I am confident but in reality it is all a show and I have put myself on display. In my mind average is the worst thing you can be, if you are less then average you can still grow and develop to an average state of being, if you are beyond average you have exceptional qualities that can't be taken form you, but if you're average you're stuck in the same timeline of unchanging madness.
It is worse to me because somedays I will have these bursts of energy and creativity and true confidence. The small days where I could be anything or anyone but that is all they are, a river of days flowing into the years of my life.
I have put the rest of society on a pillar so high that I can't even see them anymore. I've dismissed all of the knowledge I have as common sense. It literally surprises me when there are people who don't know some of the things I know because to me it is an everyday fact, you know one of those things you've known for so long that you can't even remember learning like 2+2. I go to college and I take classes and I try so hard to learn and be intelligent but I can't because everything I learn is dismissed as an average level of knowledge. I don't want other people to praise me because I know things, i just want to learn to be comfortable with what have.
Recently I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am almost finished with my associates degree in General Education but I want something more. I go through the list of things that I want to do but I dismiss every single one because I don't have a talent or I am not smart enough. Music used to be the thing that I loved more then anything, I dreamed of creating songs that would inspire people and make them sing along, but the more I practice the more I fail and I destroy myself for that. How can I inspire other people when I can't even keep myself strong enough to pursue a dream. I have hobbies like Crocheting and making jewelry but I dismiss them all as average things that no one would want because they're not amazing for perfect.
I consider applying for jobs and internships but I could never imagine being good enough to get them because there isn't anything that is special about me, nothing that someone would want. When I was accepted for the Disney college program I broke down with emotion and it wasn't until I called my dad he told me: "You really didn't think you would get it, did you?" That I realized he was right. I had already dismissed my chance at it, but I kept trying because I thought maybe one day. Even after getting accepted I worked so hard during my program everyday because I was so scared that they would take it away when they realized how average I was.
I strive to be better, not better then other people but better then myself because that is the only option I really have. I fight for my opportunities because I can't believe I have them.
I used to think my work ethic was a blessing, I work hard because I believe work should be done well. I know better then that now, I work hard because it terrifies me to think that I won't be good enough for it.
I find it so hard to apply myself to different programs and to create new goals because it is so hard for me to believe that I deserve them in the end.
I always thought I had confidence because I don't have body image issues and I love that part of me, but I realized that, that love was only skin deep I have to love myself inside too.
It is worse to me because somedays I will have these bursts of energy and creativity and true confidence. The small days where I could be anything or anyone but that is all they are, a river of days flowing into the years of my life.
I have put the rest of society on a pillar so high that I can't even see them anymore. I've dismissed all of the knowledge I have as common sense. It literally surprises me when there are people who don't know some of the things I know because to me it is an everyday fact, you know one of those things you've known for so long that you can't even remember learning like 2+2. I go to college and I take classes and I try so hard to learn and be intelligent but I can't because everything I learn is dismissed as an average level of knowledge. I don't want other people to praise me because I know things, i just want to learn to be comfortable with what have.
Recently I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am almost finished with my associates degree in General Education but I want something more. I go through the list of things that I want to do but I dismiss every single one because I don't have a talent or I am not smart enough. Music used to be the thing that I loved more then anything, I dreamed of creating songs that would inspire people and make them sing along, but the more I practice the more I fail and I destroy myself for that. How can I inspire other people when I can't even keep myself strong enough to pursue a dream. I have hobbies like Crocheting and making jewelry but I dismiss them all as average things that no one would want because they're not amazing for perfect.
I consider applying for jobs and internships but I could never imagine being good enough to get them because there isn't anything that is special about me, nothing that someone would want. When I was accepted for the Disney college program I broke down with emotion and it wasn't until I called my dad he told me: "You really didn't think you would get it, did you?" That I realized he was right. I had already dismissed my chance at it, but I kept trying because I thought maybe one day. Even after getting accepted I worked so hard during my program everyday because I was so scared that they would take it away when they realized how average I was.
I strive to be better, not better then other people but better then myself because that is the only option I really have. I fight for my opportunities because I can't believe I have them.
I used to think my work ethic was a blessing, I work hard because I believe work should be done well. I know better then that now, I work hard because it terrifies me to think that I won't be good enough for it.
I find it so hard to apply myself to different programs and to create new goals because it is so hard for me to believe that I deserve them in the end.
I always thought I had confidence because I don't have body image issues and I love that part of me, but I realized that, that love was only skin deep I have to love myself inside too.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Health Update
I am happy to say that after being on IV antibiotics for 4 weeks, today will be my last day. It has been a month of ups and downs, but it is relieving to be at the end of this jaunt. I was on two different IV medications Ceftazidime and Colistimethate both every 8 hours. The medications aren't so bad, but they tend to make me quite nauseous and tired, and when you're already sick it is exhausting.
I am looking forward to begin a job search once my meds are finished and start working out again. I plan on running a 10 mile in October and it is never to early to start training and practicing!
I am hoping that exercise will help my PFT's (Pulmonary Function Test) increase. My numbers before IV antibiotics were around 36%, which is down 10% from my last test. My PFT's don't normally increase after IV antibiotics, it usually takes an additional month before I see an increase.
My energy levels haven't quite gotten back to normal yet, but hopefully now that the meds are finished I can get back to my baseline maybe even do a little better then that!
Want to know more about Cystic Fibrosis check out the video below.
I am looking forward to begin a job search once my meds are finished and start working out again. I plan on running a 10 mile in October and it is never to early to start training and practicing!
I am hoping that exercise will help my PFT's (Pulmonary Function Test) increase. My numbers before IV antibiotics were around 36%, which is down 10% from my last test. My PFT's don't normally increase after IV antibiotics, it usually takes an additional month before I see an increase.
My energy levels haven't quite gotten back to normal yet, but hopefully now that the meds are finished I can get back to my baseline maybe even do a little better then that!
Want to know more about Cystic Fibrosis check out the video below.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Happy Halloween?
So I might be jumping on the Halloween wagon a little late, given that it is now December but just count me down as being early for next year!
One of the best nights I had at Disney was when I spontaneously went to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween party. I had spent the day in Magic Kingdom and met up with some of my friends who were staying for the party, I was planning on leaving and going back to my apartment, but they talked me into buying a Ticket for the party.
So kick the party off I waited in line to meet Jack and Sally from Nightmare before Christmas. At Disney World they only come out at Halloween and the line fills up fast for them, but I think it was worth it! We got to watch Jack scare one of his attendants a few times and the pictures turned out pretty good too. I didn't have a chance to dress up because this was completely spontaneous, but Sally told me I looked like a ghost so that was my costume the rest of the night!
After meeting Jack and Sally I wandered around for a bit, went and did a little Trick or Treating. Then I found my spot on Main Street to watch the Halloween Boo To You Parade! Which in my opinion is one of the best parades you can see at Disney!
It features Grave Diggers, Hitchhiking ghosts and of course all the regular character favorite too! After the parade it was nearly time for Hallo-Wishes! Which is definitely the best reoccurring firework show you can see on property! The Ghost Host introduces a number of villainous acts and even Oogy Boogy makes an appearance on the Castle! It's definitely a show worth waiting for!
One of my favorite things from the night is the stage show! In which my favorite villain does a musical number. Dr. Facilier graces the castle stage performing Friends on the Other Side and then all the party villains make their debuts!
Now I do have a photo with Facilier but it is from the Friday the 13th Villain Bash that was hosted at Hollywood Studio's a month prior
My friends and I ended up staying at the Halloween Party until nearly closing time, then we ventured over to the Contemporary and got a bus back to our apartments.
The ticket for the Halloween party cost around $74.00 but it was so worth it! It was magical and Not to Scary but wonderful! I can't wait to go back next year!
One of the best nights I had at Disney was when I spontaneously went to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween party. I had spent the day in Magic Kingdom and met up with some of my friends who were staying for the party, I was planning on leaving and going back to my apartment, but they talked me into buying a Ticket for the party.
So kick the party off I waited in line to meet Jack and Sally from Nightmare before Christmas. At Disney World they only come out at Halloween and the line fills up fast for them, but I think it was worth it! We got to watch Jack scare one of his attendants a few times and the pictures turned out pretty good too. I didn't have a chance to dress up because this was completely spontaneous, but Sally told me I looked like a ghost so that was my costume the rest of the night!
It features Grave Diggers, Hitchhiking ghosts and of course all the regular character favorite too! After the parade it was nearly time for Hallo-Wishes! Which is definitely the best reoccurring firework show you can see on property! The Ghost Host introduces a number of villainous acts and even Oogy Boogy makes an appearance on the Castle! It's definitely a show worth waiting for!
One of my favorite things from the night is the stage show! In which my favorite villain does a musical number. Dr. Facilier graces the castle stage performing Friends on the Other Side and then all the party villains make their debuts!
Now I do have a photo with Facilier but it is from the Friday the 13th Villain Bash that was hosted at Hollywood Studio's a month prior
The ticket for the Halloween party cost around $74.00 but it was so worth it! It was magical and Not to Scary but wonderful! I can't wait to go back next year!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
I guess you could say I am a mess
I've just run into a tunnel in my life and I can't seem to find the light at the end, or even the walls to know if i'm going in the right direction. I've left one of my biggest dreams behind for reasons beyond my control but I still can't help but feel that i've lost myself completely in that decision. I am not in any emotional distress of any sort, I am just at a loss of what is to come next in my life.
I've come to a point where I am at a road of convenience and a road of the unknown and while I know which road I should take I can't help but question the other as well. Time has never been a companion of mine and I don't depend on it now, but I can't help but beg for a few spare seconds to catch my breath before I dive into another decision, another commitment.
I look to the future with optimism and hope, but the remnants of the past cling to the walls of my home keeping me safe and warm. How can I abandon that, the security of what I know? I've left so many times and everything pulls me back to this prison.
I cling to my dreams because they've come to be the only parts of me that don't change or tire. They're endless and they give me somewhere to hide. I've faced my dream once and leaving it behind put a crack in my soul. That dream wove so many new possibilities, but it was as if my fingers grew numb and I had to drop them all. I feel as if I were driving down a highway and the roads disappeared. I am still going somewhere, but at this point I have no clue where i'll end up.
Friday, November 22, 2013
The Best Last Day Ever (part 2)
We got to Hollywood Studio's around 5:30 pm and we headed straight to the Tower of Terror, which is my baby. The Tower of Terror is beyond my favorite ride at any of the parks, I could ride it all day. I love the atmosphere, the story line and of course the plummeting down the elevator shaft! This was an extra special night because we ran into my favorite cast member, and I made a fool of myself in front of him. I had gotten a little over excited when I realized he was working, and I may or may not have creeped him out a bit. After I returned to my usual color and we fell down 13 stories we made our way through the gift shop where I admired all the Tower Merch and made my first purchase of a Tower of Terror shirt. After that we headed to the last place I planned on going in Studio's, to see the Osborne Family Lights. I had been once the week before to see them and I was in love! The lights are so beautiful that I had to go one last time before I took my leave to admire them.
We enjoyed the "Snoap" and lights until the park closed at 8 then we headed to The Boardwalk Resort for our reservations at the Flying Fish. Now the Flying Fish is a rather pricy restaurant that is known for it's amazing seafood and steak! Being a Cast Member I received a holiday book full of coupons one of them being a 50% off Dining coupon which I intended to use!
We got sat down at the Flying Fish and had the most wonderful waiter (Bob from Ohio). He greeted us and took our drink order and surprised us by bringing us complimentary cups of a potato leak soup.
We got sat down at the Flying Fish and had the most wonderful waiter (Bob from Ohio). He greeted us and took our drink order and surprised us by bringing us complimentary cups of a potato leak soup.
After the surprise treat we all ordered our own appetizers, I ordered a shrimp and Calamari dish that was amazing! The calamari rings were so tender, and the shrimp was so flavorful! The only thing I wish I had considered was that this dish was deep fried so to eat it all myself it was quite heavy.
After looking at the menu I had to order the Crusted New York Strip steak, which is one of the things the Flying Fish is known for, and it did not disappoint. It was succulent and juicy, and so full of flavor! It is one of the best steaks I have ever had, anywhere!
After we had such a large meal we opted to share a dessert! We got a trio of Boardwalk favorites which included a caramel corn cheesecake, a Cherry limeade popsicle, and a S'more on a chocolate stick! I voted for this dessert because I absolutely love S'mores, and the S'more came on a chocolate stick with a homemade marshmallow cemented with chocolate between two homemade cookies. Now when waiter Bob caught wind that I was not sharing the S'more he brought out two more for my friends! We all had a good laugh about it. I have to admit the S'more was good but the winner in the dessert was the popsicle we all agreed that it had a really great taste!
Now Bob being the best waiter ever knew it was my last day at Disney, and he brought us an extra special dessert! He brought us over a fig creme Brûlée! Now I am not a fan of figs because of a past traumatic experience, but my friends said it was amazing!
With my 50% off coupon the bill came to just over $126 but that includes a $34 tip. We saved over $88.00 which is amazing to me!
I was really happy to be able to spend the time with my friends, it made it a lot easier leaving knowing that I had been able to do everything I wanted to one last time!
I am really lucky that I had such a wonderful manager who went out of her way to give me that day off. I had everything from my apartment packed up and I turned in my Keys and ID at 9:00 am the next morning and made the 17 hour drive home.
I think I will remember the events from the day forever, because they were so magical to me and it was all so much more then I could ask for!
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